I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what day is it and did you see me today?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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