I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
