i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
