My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
