remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
