I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Mom said you looked used
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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