Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
