Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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