What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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