i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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