i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
