can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
