k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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