Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
