Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We got so high we made milksteak
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
