if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize