at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
