Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
