dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
