Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
