he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
