i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize