tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
