My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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