when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
