It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i drank out of a bidet.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
