Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
