There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I touched a dick in church today
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