I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need to sanitize my soul.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
