im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize