I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
