They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
