There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
