Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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