now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
