Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
