Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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