i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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