If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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