Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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