Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
