I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
