I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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