the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
