another moral hangover. fuck.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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