get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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