i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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