how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
