Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
