I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
