My Higher Power is John Stamos
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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