Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
