Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
