i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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