I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
