She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
