You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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