he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
