tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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