Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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