The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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