she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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