my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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