I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
