Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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