so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
