Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
