Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
