Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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