my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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