I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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