It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
