fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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