I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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