he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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