I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize