"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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