Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
...so i touched it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize