I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
