A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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