HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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