So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
