He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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