Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
