Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
