WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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