She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
