Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize