To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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