The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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