Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
