you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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