Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
